The Door…

By Esther Brincat

The door that was once open
Is now closed.
An opportunity vanished
And yet you still wait there
While I sit behind the closed-door
Crying in my hands.

You ask me through the door
Why do I ignore you,
You ask me why
And I can’t tell you.

If I could change things I would,
If time could travel backwards…
Watch me I would be there.
My choices I regret
And I regret them because I pulled you down with me.

And now I wish you never met me,
I wish I could have locked myself up
And become a prisoner,
Of myself…
A prisoner of my heart…
A prisoner of my feelings…
That have led me wrong.

Now the darkness haunts me,
Negativity sets in.
I want to be happy,
But then I have to make sacrifices,
Just so you can be happy.

What would you say?
If I told you,
That your happiness,
And your future,
Is my goal.
That your happiness,
Is worth more than mine?

One Red Drop…

Apr11

This is another poem of mine. Please read it, and share it with others. ENJOY!

One Red Drop…

By Esther Brincat

There’s a bullet in my heart,
A blood drop in my hand
Tears streaking down your face.
Your expression tells me everything,
“Why do I have to be in this place?”

Red pools of sorrow,
The sadness in your eyes,
“You didn’t do this.” I say,
You look up at the skies.

You can’t replace some one else’s hurt,
“It’s not your fault.” I scream
My hands clenched in the dirt.
“Go home, let me be.
Let me rest and die in agony.”

“I can’t let you do that,”
She whispers, “I can’t let you go.
Just give me a chance,
You gotta let me know!”

With her soft hands she removes my bullet,
The one that was left there by someone who blew it,
With a needle she mend me,
And I go through more pain.

“You promised!” I yell,
“Why is there pain?”
Her tears are still there,
her knees scratched up,
from sitting in the dirt.

“To go through love,
you gotta give up the pain.
Don’t you see?
The one who loves you is me?

I’m not after you to hurt you,
After you to desert you,
After you to take everything from you.
So do you finally see?” She says,
With a sad look at me.

I look at my wound,
and down at my heart,
I can’t see any scars, any blood any marks.
The blood on me all gone,
except for one red drop.

Another Drawing…

Apr8

I drew this for my mom back in the fall. I hope you like it!!

We’re Gonna Be Friends…

Apr8

I have been having this ONE feeling for someone that I am starting to get to know better.

The White Stripes – We’re Gonna Be Friends

Fall is here, hear the yell
back to school, ring the bell
brand new shoes, walking blues
climb the fence, books and pens
I can tell that we’re going to be friends

Walk with me, Suzy Lee
through the park and by the tree
we will rest upon the ground
and look at all the bugs we found
safely walk to school without a sound
safely walk to school without a sound

Here we are, no one else
we walked to school all by ourselves
there’s dirt on our uniforms
from chasing all the ants and worms
we clean up and now its time to learn
we clean up and now its time to learn

Numbers, letters, learn to spell
nouns, and books, and show and tell
at playtime we will throw the ball
back to class, through the hall
teacher marks our height against the wall
teacher marks our height against the wall

We don’t notice any time pass
we don’t notice anything
we sit side by side in every class
teacher thinks that I sound funny
but she likes the way you sing

Tonight I’ll dream while in my bed
when silly thoughts go through my head
about the bugs and alphabet
and when I wake tommorow I’ll bet
that you and I will walk together again
I can tell that we’re going to be friends

Thoughts For Wednesdays

Apr4

My Sweet 16

Apr3

On April Fool’s Day I turned 16. What I learned:

How much I appreciate silence. The saying is true that silence is golden. It really is. I don’t have the urge to say whatever is on my mind. Because when I do, people get hurt, or mad. It is better to listen and know what is going on then to speak out rashly because your feelings got hurt. Feelings lie to you.

How much I love simple things. I LOVE simplicity!! Something tiny can make my day. I was walking with my Mama today and I saw a hummingbird, a lizard, and a butterfly and it made my day!! At my birthday party, the gifts I received from friends were simple. NOT cheap, but simple and sentimental. Each gift had ties to a memory. One of my friends was upset because he thought the gift was cheap and dumb. When I saw that he made me an anklet I was really happy because I love anklets. He also gave me a choker, another thing that I have wanted for a while.

I like having parties because I love MAKING memories. I don’t like waiting around for one. Because while you’re waiting, you miss out on life.

Then after the party ended, and everyone left I opened my last gift. A beautiful cross pendant intertwined with a heart from my parents. I was so shocked it made me cry. The simplicity of the gift and the beauty of the small thing made me content.

Rue

Apr3

I recently watched The Hunger Games with my family. I read the books prior to watching the movie and was impressed with how much the movie resembled the book.

I don’t cry at movies. I don’t like people watching me cry if a movie is deep. But when I saw Rue die, I just burst into tears.

Rue was Katniss‘s little shadow. After Rue saved her life, Katniss watched over her and protected her like a little sister, and when she died, it broke her heart.

It also broke my heart because Rue reminded me of someone I know…

We all have a Rue. Someone who is younger than you and is your little shadow. It can be a younger brother, sister, a friend, a girlfriend/boyfriend… Someone who you will kill for, and fight for when being bullied.

For me it is my little sister. When I first read the books, the way they described Rue was just like my little sister. Small, flexible, and agile. And when I watched the movie, I couldn’t help think about my little sister. When she died, it made me cry so hard.

Think about it… What if that ONE person you will always protect just left you one day. I could not imagine my life without her.

I have had a Rue in my life. I met her at church a while back, and when I got to know her, I knew nothing could separate us. The more I knew her, the more I felt protective over her. She was my little shadow.

Then I got kicked out of church. Told to not come back. Her parents told me not to speak to her again, and I have never heard from her since…

I still cry when I think about her, and when I was crying watching Katniss singing to Rue, I thought about her.

A Rue is meant to stay in your life for a certain time. They aren’t supposed to stay with you forever. They are meant to leave a mark on your heart, and leave. Teach a lesson, and go…

Maybe you have had a few Rue’s in your life. Maybe you haven’t met that person yet. But I know that I am going to go against the grain, change the rules, and never lose My Little Rue…. My little sister will never leave me… But if it is meant to be… Then it is.

Rue’s Lullaby:

“Deep in the meadow, under the willow
A bed of grass, a soft green pillow
Lay down your head, and close your eyes
And when they open, the sun will rise.”