There are many words that describe how I feel. Banned, Used, Thrown Out, Rejected, and maybe even Cursed. I feel cursed, I feel that the person who did this to me made me feel like I am a worthless nothing. Isn’t that a curse?

kick – to drive, force, make, etc., by or as if by kicks.

After reading this I do feel like I was kicked out. I was driven/forced away from a place I didn’t want to leave. Especially a place you never would think you would get kicked out from. I have never been kicked out of somewhere publicly. My parents taught me to behave and so everyone who knows me says, “You are so nice and quiet!” So how come all of a sudden I am a troublemaker?

outcast- a person who is rejected or cast out, as from home or society.

That word pretty much describes me in one word. I am homeschooled, so I have always been made fun of by jerks.

jerk-  a contemptibly naive, fatuous, foolish, or inconsequential person.

Also, I am different. I have never been normal, I have never been like other people. Whatever they like I tell myself, “then I won’t like it.” Except for a few exceptions.

So I would think that this is all behind me. No more getting laughed at, or getting scorned at. Then like a boulder smashing into you your life suddenly… sucks.

But I have to look at My God. It is VERY hard. It is hard to say, “Yes, I forgive you for doing that to me.” I told my mom that it was going to be awhile before I forgave that person. unfortunately, Pride is my fatal flaw. The one weakness, that could hurt me. SO I had to humble myself and forgive that person.

My friend told me to relax more, so I am going to stay positive and relax.

Lord, I don’t know where all of this is going, or how it all turns out. Leave me a peace that surpasses understanding, a peace beyond no doubt.”

Dear Lord,

I don’t know where I am in my life, what I will be doing, and who I will be with. I don’t know why PAIN is a feeling. I wish that there was a magic eraser that can erase all my pain. But you put pain on the Earth, so that we can be stronger. Not only in you, but in ourselves. Help me forgive myself, and the people who hurt me. Help me to be and stay strong so that I can be an example and influence on others. Lord hold me tight and never let me go. I know YOU will never kick me out and make me feel rejected. Thank you for putting your Son on the Earth. The number one Outcast was Jesus, so I will follow your example.

Love with all my heart, your servant

Esther ❤




2 thoughts on “Outcast

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