February 7, 2012

What can you do?

You live in two lives.

Your own

and in someone else’s

Always following some one else’s shoes.

But you hate it, you want to live your own life. You think it is about time. Even though it seems impossible. Outlandish.

But this little girl had to grow up

This little girl had to grow up before they started throwing stones . and now that she is up, she runs, but after running; you want to fly.

She wants to stop running- she wants to fly.

But she can’t fly….

A bird speaks to her,

tells her to follow him

The bird begs her to follow, she watches him fly and she longs to join him.

How long will it be,

I hate to say this…

But do you know how everyone is dying for a movie relationship??

Well once you have one, you would love to run back to your imperfect relationship. There is nothing wrong with one of those. At least you get to see them and even though you fight and he sleeps on the couch for the night. The next day you make him dinner to make up for it.

Even if he doesn’t live with you…

You ignore the messages, you cry alone in bed, you avoids him at school. But then he says, “I’m sorry.” And everything is fine.

It’s a fucked up life you have

But it’s perfect in an imperfect way.

I have a relationship like a movie…

And I rather have a normal one.

I’m 16 and in love with a guy who just left for the Air Force.

I won’t see him in forever.. Or hear from him every day like a usual couple.

And just like the movies he will come back some day and we will get married and be happy.

And even though I want that, I just wish I didn’t have to miss him so terribly…

Like Dear John, The Notebook, and all those other stupid movies.

Be happy you can call him, say I love you every day, and even  argue for a bit.

 

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December 23, 2012

Sleep within me dies-
my mind in mental ties
bonds that not even I can break.
Yet, my sanity is at stake
but my poor heart cannot take,
these images I see when I dream.
Things are not as they seem
For my soul is living when I dream,
and when I wake,
I cannot shake
the fear that slithers into my mind
and it taunts at me to find
the answer to its horrible crime.
So I stay awake
for my soul’s sake
because I cannot endure to wake
to another night of heartache
And to fear I give my mind to take.

 

COPYRIGHT 2012

A Moment….

A Moment…
You cherish it, and once you cherish it-
it disappears.

 

A Moment…
Delicate as a butterfly,
time goes by
and nothing is as special as that moment.

A Moment…
When it is gone, you miss it.
Your soul aches at the absence
of that feeling you had when you were in that moment.

A Moment…
Could be a smile-
A flash of white teeth
directed your way,
then it’s gone.

 

A Moment…
Could be the look in your eyes,
there is something there-
and not one of you denies
that there is something special.

A Moment…
The moment before a kiss.
Staring deep into one another’s soul,
and when your soft lips meet his-
The moment rushes by
you break apart feeling the blood rush to your head.

 

A Moment…
Then there are missed moments.
When her back was faced to you,
you could have said “I love you.”
Only to never see her face again,
Because you missed the moment.

Missed moments are the worse,
Instead of the dull ache of a loved memory,
You have an empty hole of a lost opportunity.

Never miss a Moment…

 

Copyright 2012

Faith.

Is it possible? To lose faith, and have hope.
How can you have one without the other?
Hope is a long-lasting faith. Faith is a feeling.
When you reach the point to where nothing makes sense,
and you want to lose faith.
Is hope the back up?
The emergency tank
The life support.

Because if so, I am on life support.
I can barely breathe,
I am strapped down by burdens,
barely holding on to my life.
My heart monitor is beeping- beeping-
Slowly- slowly-
When will it pick up?
Or will it just stop.

September 10, 2012

I wish I could fly,
fly high into the skies
No one can see me cry.
If I could soar into the skies,
My tears would fall-
on to the Earth
my tears become rain
my pain, flooding the Earth.

I wish I could fly,
fly high into the skies
No one will see my cry.
I will sit on the clouds
and watch people walking by
they can’t see me up in the sky.

I wish I could fly
fly high into the skies
no one will see me cry.
See that I’m dying inside-
See me take a deep breath and sigh,
I’ll fly until I will touch the stars

I wish I could fly,
fly high into the skies
no one can see me cry.
See that a part of me wants to die
Down there, my tears are a weakness,
no one can see that I am a mess,
Outside I smile and lie
Saying I am fine.

I wish I could fly,
fly high into the skies
no one will see me cry
I feel the wind rushing down my back
While soaring I close my eyes
and something in me dies.

Copyright, Esther Star 2012

How Do We Tell Them?

How Do We Tell Them ~ Esther Brincat

How do you tell your mother,
That you hate your father,
How do you tell her,
That your thoughts are a blur,
And how can you tell your mother
That you want to kill your father.

How can you tell your father,
That you miss him,
But you don’t want to be a bother,
And he’s a thousand miles away,
But all you want is for him to stay.

How can’t you tell your parents,
That you want to run away,
But you know they need you,
And so that fantasy fades,
Because they can’t live without you.

How do you tell your lover,
That what he sees is just a cover
You want him to see the real you,
But your afraid that he will hurt you too.

How do you tell the world,
That you want it to change,
To stop being so cold,
And treating us like we are so strange.

How do you tell your girl,
That you will be gone for five years,
And you want her to wait,
Even though you know there will be tears.

How can you tell your baby,
That you are leaving her,
And that maybe, just maybe,
One day things will be the way they were.

How do you tell your little girl,
That daddy isn’t here anymore
That he wont see you twirl,
In your wedding dress,
How can you tell someone who’s four,
That he won’t give you away,
To the man who will be with you,
For the rest of your days.

How can you tell your family,
That you won’t be around for long,
You want them to just wait and see,
Things will get better,
To not mourn because it feels wrong,

How can you tell your father,
To leave you,
Because you don’t want him around
To break your heart in two
For him to keep hurting you.
Because he drags your soul to the ground.
You want him to leave,
And never come back.

How can you tell society,
To leave us alone
They want us to believe in their own deity,
And we get in trouble because they don’t like our tone,
Our voices cry out to get noticed,
By the people who don’t care about us.
How can you tell them,
To stop trying to make us normal,
They want us to be the same gem,
To be more quiet, be more formal.

How can we tell them,
That we have our own voices
We aren’t a fake old gem,
We make or own choices,
When will they wake up?
And hear our voices?
How do we tell them?

COPYRIGHT 2012

 

July 26, 2012

Here is another poem describing how I feel at the moment…

Afraid To Lose you~ Esther Brincat

 

Why am I so fearful?

I wonder what you think of me nightly,

In love, they say to be careful,

But the thought of losing you is frightening.

Why am I afraid?

I want to step out and trust you,

But if I do, will our love fade?

or will it grow stronger, and turn into something new.

Why am I shaking?

I’m afraid of what you will say,

If you see the weird, wacky me.

I don’t want you to think I’m faking,

I want you to be okay

With the weird wacky me

I don’t want you to walk away

When you see that side of me.

Why am I scared to lose you?

You mean so much to me…

I never thought it would get this way

So when you see all of me,

Babe, what will you say?

COPYRIGHT 2012